I try to be perfect. I really do. I get upset with myself if I even make the tiniest mistake that someone else catches. It could just be a typo or a missed punctuation, but I’ll beat myself up about it the tiniest bit before I move on. I think this can me a good thing sometimes – I learn from my mistakes and it serves as a reminder to double and triple check my work when I’m tempted to just send it along to the next person. But I also think it can be a mental block that gets in my own way. It prevents me from going to exercise class because I’m not “good enough” or it prevents me from sending along my writing because “it has to be perfect.” It prevents me from trying new things because I’m afraid people will look at me and secretly judge me (or openly judge me, but that would be rude.)
I need to remind myself that it’s okay to be perfect. None of us are. I need to try and be less self-conscious about my imperfections. Most of the time people are so worried about themselves, they don’t have a thought for me! And if they do, the so what?! Their thoughts about me have zero impact on my life, so I should just live how I want to. It’s a hard thing to remember, but I think it’ll definitely help me to get over a few mental hurdles so I can make it to the next step – whether that be trying a new dance class or submitting my writing for consideration.
Until tomorrow. Happy Halloween too!
266 days to go!
Well sort of…not really. This has been my most challenging “challenge” so far. I. just. can’t. seem. to. get. to. class. It’s a struggle every weekday and weekend. I’ve tried all the tricks, but I think really I just need to make it into a habit and do it. Also, thinking about how I feel bad if I don’t go is pretty motivating since I feel bad often.
I did manage to go yesterday even though I’ve been feeling under the weather. It was much more challenging than I remember and I felt a little left behind, but I’m happy I went (always am). Whenever I get discouraged, I just have to remember to “Be Terrible”. After all it’s better to go, be terrible and get some exercise than to not go and just lay in bed.
I’ve been thinking about trying some other exercise classes to get myself into shape. Just for fun. Maybe a boxing class or aerial yoga (or regular yoga) or barre class or just some other random kind of work out to kick me out of my exercise funk. I used to go hiking more too. I’ll try to this week.
I’ve also decided that once I cross off another goal on my list, I can pick up another one. Four seems like a good amount.
268 days to go.
Bzz. Bzzz. I live in a major metropolitan area, which means there’s a whole bunch of people running around, but for some reason it’s also really hard to meet people as well. I had this grand idea that I would try a bunch of new hobbies and take a bunch of new classes and meet people that way. Whether they be friends or potential boyfriends, I was up for meeting new people.
Well…turns out I’ve taken a few classes and done a few meet-ups and they groups mostly consist of older women. Which is great! I’m happy to make friends that way and I have. But so far I haven’t met any men on my hobby quest, so I had to turn to online dating. I tried okcupid for the longest time, but I never really clicked with anyone and I felt there was a lot of expectation to jump directly into a relationship, which I just never felt like doing.
So I turned to Bumble, which is more casual than OK Cupid, but seems to be more serious than Tinder. I’ve met a few people so far, but I’m just content right now to see where things go. But if anyone has suggestions for where to meet good people, I’m certainly open to hearing about it.
271 days to go.
I’ve written about this before, but when I was unemployed I got myself into some pretty deep credit card debt. I know I shouldn’t have, but what was I going to do? My budget was very strict, but still a girl has to eat. Anything that didn’t need to be paid by cash or check, I put on credit cards. It was kind of a desperate time for me, but I found some temporary work and then a full time job and now I’m getting promoted. 🙂
Saving and paying off debt is hard, so every week I have a portion of my paycheck directly deposited into my savings account and another portion directly deposited into an account strictly for paying off my credit cards. I schedule out the money each week from that account, so by the next day it’s gone and paying off those high interest rates. If sometime urgent comes up, I can always cancel it, but I don’t think that’s ever happened.
I also keep an excel doc tallying how much money I’ve saved and how much debt I’ve paid down. It’s not really for anything, but I get a tiny rush every time I see the numbers tick up and down, so it’s its own reward. It is going to be SUCH a relief when I pay off the first card and then the second. I’ll be able to afford to live on my own and really bump up the amount of money I’m saving in my retirement account and savings account. Maybe I’ll even invest in something, but that’s another goal for another time.
272 days to go.
I decided this week to write a few posts about what I’m going to do for each particular goal. #1 is Writing!
I know I’ve said this before, but I completed my novel (again), so I’d really like to make some serious headway on editing so I can have a complete draft by the end of December to begin querying agents in the new year. There’s 68 days until December 31st so that should be plenty of time to comb through each chapter and make sure everything is in tip-top(ish) shape. Even if I’m not done by the end of December, I think I should start querying agents anyway. I keep editing and editing and editing, and there will always be sentences to fix and plot points to mull over. But sometimes you just have to take the plunge and see how things net out.
Other writing goals! I want to continue blogging on a semi-regular basis and write one personal essay to submit to online publications. I’ve never submitted anything before (I’m a scaredy cat) so this will be a good learning experience for me. In regards to timelines, let’s say end of November to look for submissions in December. We’ll see how things go!
273 days to go.
Time for my third monthly check-in! It’s been three months since I started this self-improvement plan (project?) and I think I’ve done relatively well so far! The holiday season is quickly approaching so it’s best that I come up with a few ways to stick to my goals (next post!)
- Work on my Novel – I finished my novel (again!) after cutting out the whole middle section. Now it’s just time to edit again (and again and again and again. Will the editing never stop?) I do think I’ve learned a lot in this process and hopefully my next book will not require so much cutting and rewriting and editing (but it probably will.) I’m hoping by the end of the year I can have a solid book and begin sending query letters to agents.
- Ballet – The cycle for the beginning of class started again, so hopefully it’ll stick this time! It’s definitely been a struggle (clearly), but I’m always hoping to do better.
Promotion – DONE!
- Get out of credit card debt – Blargh. Still working on this and I will be for quite some time. Hopefully with my promotion I can start paying it off more aggressively (plus that bonus and tax return next year will hopefully help!)
- In a relationship – Still Bumbling. I’m not sure if anything is going to work out. Usually I get irritated with people by the third or fourth week and I can feel it happening again. There’s just an expectation with online dating that everyone wants to either just hook up or jump directly into a relationship. And I don’t want either of those things so I feel people are often disappointed. And I’m resistant to both so we get nowhere in the end.
So there’s my third monthly check-in. Ninety one days in and I’m a little farther along with all my goals except Ballet. Perhaps November will be Ballet month, just like October was meant to be Ballet month. Eventually I will figure out a way for it to stick!
274 days to go. It’s a lot of time and it’s no time at all, right?
I started my new job yesterday! Still at the same company, but in a different position due to my promotion (whoo!). To be honest, there were a few people who applied for the position who have seniority over me and I thought they would get it. I knew I had the most experience, but my company is very hierarchical and I didn’t necessarily think that I would get it, but I did!
It’s only been a few days, but it feels like it’s been much longer! I knew what the job entailed, but it’s all new projects and new people and new processes. I’ve been really tired the past few days because I’ve been on alert to make sure I absorb all the new information coming my way! It’s exciting, but also really tiring.
I did not exercise today since I have a trip coming up and have a few last minute things to take care of. I also immediately regretted that I didn’t go, so there’s that. Hopefully I’ll be better next week. Fingers crossed!
279 days to go.