Day 83: How many times can I fail

Multiple! I was supposed to exercise twice this weekend! And I did neither! Because I am terrible at exercising!! I really need to figure out a way to establish a long running habit which I will only break occasionally for vacations and birthdays and engagements and weddings. Ugh.

 

Well this week is a new week and I went to see the ballet today and got all inspired by what I wish I looked like. I decided I need to do something every day to work towards getting better, which means going to yoga or stretching at night. It really is helpful to get “re-inspired” once in awhile to show you why you wanted to do something in the first place. Of course, I know I’ll never be professional, but there’s a reason I started going to ballet and it’s because I just really enjoy it.

I’ve thought about it and I think there’s a few ways to get myself to go.

PLAN OF ACTION

  1. Prepare! – If it’s a workday, I need to prepare dinner ahead of time and bring my exercise clothes to work so I can change at work and eat dinner around 5:55 at work (or in the car.) If it’s a weekend I should be fine, but can bring a change of clothes if I plan on doing something before or after.
  2. Sleep! – I need to get a good night’s sleep the night before and take my vitamins so I’m not too tired at the end of the day. An extra boost of caffeine in the afternoon wouldn’t hurt (I know I shouldn’t rely on this, but if it’s the way to get my exercise habit started, then so be it.)
  3. Future Me! – If I’m thinking of skipping I need to think about how good I feel when I go and how regretful I feel when I don’t go.
  4. Accountability! – And I need to make friends in class so I have accountability partners.

So there we have it. My plan of action! PSFA (PASF? PAFS!!!)

Tuesday. I will go. And report back.

Until tomorrow.

282 days to go.

Day 76: Be Terrible

Yes! Success! For the first time in a couple months I went to ballet class. I was initially apprehensive about going because I haven’t been in awhile and even when I was going, my attendance was quite spotty. I’ve realized recently that often times my decision not to go to class had only to do with my own fears and anxieties. I was the one standing in my way because I was worried my teacher would judge me for all the progress I’d lost! Which is ridiculous! I’m not going to become a professional ballerina or even go on to dance in any sort of recital. This is for exercise and for fun. For my health! The thing I should be least worried about it what my teacher will think of me.  The thing I should be most worried about is making sure I attend class, so I can take care of my body and myself. And so this is another lesson I learned. Be Terrible.

Okay… don’t be terrible, but don’t be afraid to be terrible at something. I’m an adult! I have a job I find moderately rewarding and pay my own bills. Everything else is just for my own enjoyment and happiness. So what if I’m terrible at pirouettes.  At least I’m getting out there and spinning across the floor like my four year old self would be proud of!

This advice is important for not just exercise, but also for writing! I’m often worried of what will happen at the end of writing my book. Will all the hard work be for nothing? Will it be rejected? Will I even get an agent? Will it arrive on shelves and then sit there until it’s put in the bargain bin and I’ll never write another thing again? Or will I be a wild success so I can quit my day job and just spend my days writing and writing and writing? (Yes, please!) But none of these are an option if I don’t at least finish the book. So let my story be terrible and I’ll fix it up afterwards. After all you can’t even read empty pages.

Until tomorrow.

289 days to go.

 

Day 69: Happy October!

Eek! It seems like I was just doing one of these at the beginning of September. It positively flew by and now we’re here – October 1.

I know we just had a monthly check-in, but there is an update!

  1. Become a Novelist
  2. Ballet
  3. Promotion
  4. Credit Card debt
  5. In a relationship

That’s right! There was a job open and I was waffling about applying for awhile, but I did and I got it. It’s a bit too soon to celebrate since we’re still discussing salary, but I think it’s just they’ll give me what I ask for or they’ll keep it the same. There’s not a danger that I would turn down the job or that they’ll un-offer the job to me. 🙂

Hooray! What good news for the start of the month. Of all the goals I’m slacking on the most I think Ballet is the one I’m having the hardest time with, so I want to make October my ballet month. I’ll do my very best to get back on track this month and I’ve made a few adjustments to my schedule, so it should be easier (ahem…should be…but we’ll see how that goes.

Perhaps in a few months I’ll be able to cross off one more of these. Nothing happening yet! Just wishful, positive thinking.

Until tomorrow.

Day 62: Monthly Check-in

Gah! I’ve sort of neglected this project the past few weeks. It’s been busy! I took a cooking class and a ceramics class and have been going to a whole bunch of events after work. It’s been two months already since I started so it’s time for my second monthly check-in!

  1. Work on my Novel – I cut out the whole middle part of my novel, so that was sort of a set back, but I feel it will be stronger in the end. (And make more sense!) I’ve been working on it pretty steadily, so I’m pretty pleased with my progress here.
  2. Ballet – I haven’t done much here! I had some really special events come up, so I skipped class for the past month. It’s not great, but I’ve planned out my week this week so hopefully I’ll get back on track!
  3. Promotion –  A position opened unexpectedly in my department and I applied! It’s looking good so far, but we’ll see what comes of it. I’m not sure if it’ll be a good decision in the end or not, but I guess we’ll find out. Stay tuned!
  4. Get out of credit card debt – Still chugging away. I think by end the end of the year I should be out of one and then I can start seriously paying off the second. (Ugh!) But hopefully if I do get that promotion, I’ll be able to pay it off more aggressively. 🙂
  5. In a relationship – I joined Bumble. It’s still early stages, but at least I’m making an effort. I don’t want it to take away from my other goals, so I think I’ll limit how much time I spend on Bumble and going on dates. It is a very time consuming thing.

So there’s my second monthly check-in. Sixty two days in and I’m a little farther along with all my goals except Ballet. It’s almost October so perhaps that will be my October goal. I’ll also try to blog more.

Until tomorrow.

Day 55: Septuple Failure

Sooooooo I know my challenge last week was to exercise, but I did not go at all this week. It was really, truly terrible. I find exercising SO HARD, but on top of that I’ve had to look for a new roommate the past couple of weeks, which has been taking up a lot of my time. I thought it would be easy to find a new roommate, but interviewing people and showing them the room is pretty time consuming. Not to mention sifting through the dozens of messages I received. Time consuming and exhausting.

I won’t promise myself I’ll go this week since I’m still searching, but I will at least try to go once or twice this week. Better than nothing. Will report back.

Until tomorrow.

Day 48: Another Challenge

Of all the goals I set for myself the one I have the most trouble with is EXERCISING. I have no idea why except that I have never really had an exercise routine, but I can barely even start one before it falls apart. Also, I do all my exercise alone, which means accountability is really, really hard.

This week I’m going to try my best do exercise EVERY SINGLE DAY (except Thursday because I have my art class and I paid a lot of money for that and could not possibly bring myself to skip it). I’m exhausting already thinking about it, but if I do it for at least three or four days, that’s better than nothing and if I do it all the days, then I’ll know what it feels like to lead the exercise level life I wish I did. That’s all for now. Starting tomorrow I’ll be a fit, but fatigued machine.

Until tomorrow.

 

Day 35: Fantasy Self

Eek! It’s already been 35 days since I started this blog and I feel like I haven’t made much progress. I’ve made a bit, but not as much as I wish. Still I went to ballet class this weekend and I’ve been writing pretty consistently. But I want to have done more!

One of the main problems I have with myself is that I can never live up to my fantasy self. You know the one? The one who eats healthily and jumps up at the sound of her alarm to write. The one who exercises regularly. The one who writes like she’s running out of time. The one who is always in a good mood at work and ready to help.  The one who is ambitious, but not too ambitious to be slytherin-like. 😛

I call her my fantasy self and sometimes I feel so, so far from her.

She’s who I want to be; the person I’m striving to be with this blog. Too often I fall short, but that’s not such a bad thing, is it? To have something to strive for? To aim to be the person I want to be.  To reach beyond who I currently am?

No, I think it’s a good thing, but I also have to remember to forgive myself when I fall short. Tomorrow is another day to live up to my ideal person, but it’s okay if I skipped writing for one day because I was just too tired from my job which pays my rent. It’s okay if I skip yoga one day because I’d rather lay in bed and drink coffee. It’s okay to not be perfect all the time, to not be my fantasy self (she is a fantasy after all). It’s okay to fail as long as I make a note and course correct. And then there are the days I succeed – the days I align who I am with who I want to be – even if it’s only one moment at a time.

Day 15: The Problem is the Journey

Literally. Another Tuesday and another failed attempt at going to dance class after work.  I enjoy it. I really do. But it’s just a tad bit too far to be considered “convenient” and that is really the block in the road. The journey is the difficult part; the ending is the part I actually enjoy. Last week I said the lure of greasy food would be the place that gets me there, but that clearly isn’t the case.

Next week I’ll try breaking it down into smaller steps:

  1. Finish work
  2. Go into the bathroom
  3. Change into workout clothes
  4. Get in car
  5. Get on the highway (in the right direction – no towards home)
  6. Arrive
  7. Dance

Lucky number seven!

I’m the kind of person who really enjoys crossing off To-Do lists, so hopefully this will actually get me there!

Until tomorrow.

Day 9: Guilty

I started the week off so well by going to yoga on Sunday. I had the best intentions to go to barre class today – I packed my bag, made sure I had a snack for before class and got a full tank of gas…but the end of work rolled around and my eyes were hurting for some unknown reason and I forgot to turn in my rent check this morning. So instead of going to barre class, I just went home and watched more of Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. All the best intentions and none of the follow through.

I really want to got to class. And as soon as the clock ticks one minute past the start of class I feel really guilty for not going, but somehow I just can’t motivate myself to go. Especially after work. So I’m going to try a few different methods in the coming weeks to see if I can make it to class.

For next week I’ll let myself buy this fast food after class that I normally don’t, but like so much. There’s not one close to where I live, but there is one close to the studio! It seems counter productive to eat greasy, unhealthy food after I exercise, but it’s a small reward for something I find so hard to do! And  after I make my exercise into a habit, I can drop the reward. Stay tuned next week!

Until tomorrow.