Day 125: Sunday Scaries

I know I’ve been going on and on about my new job, but it’s a big life change. I’m happy I got the title and salary bump, but it’s definitely been an adjustment. And still is! It’s been a lot of work and I’m genuinely wondering how long I can do this for. Hopefully it’ll get better, but if it doesn’t, I know want a life outside of work and time to work on my own projects. After all I’m putting in 50 to 60 hours a week, which I enjoy for the most part, but it’s ultimately not what I want to do and it’s a lot of time.

For the moment, when Sunday rolls around I just don’t really want to go to work. I don’t dread going and I don’t mind being there when I’m working, but I just don’t want to go. This is normal. Work is work.

My first job out of college was terrible. I don’t know if the job was actually terrible (although people often left) or if I was just adjusting to life after college. Probably a bit of both, although they did have some weird policies. Whether or not the job was terrible, it made me feel terrible.  Every Sunday before work I would just lay in bed for hours with a crushing feeling in my chest. I would walk to work and imagine getting hit by a bus. (Definitely not healthy.) I would cry in the bathroom at work and made elaborate lists counting down the hours, and the minutes for each workday. This is not normal.

Eventually, I chose a day I was going to quit (and made a list counting down the days). I booked an airplane ticket for a few days after my planned exit date, so I couldn’t back out. And then I quit. And I felt fantastic – a weight lifted off my chest which had been crushing me for the past year. (I also played, “One Day More” from Les Miserables on repeat the day before my last day. It was great.) It was a terrible job and sometimes I wondered if I should have stayed, since the following few years weren’t a walk in the park, but in the end I think it was a good decision and I don’t regret it. I’m even thankful it was so terrible, because it brought me to my current place in life and now I know if I ever have those feelings again to get out. It was a good learning experience.

I didn’t know the term Sunday Scaries until I moved to LA. I like it though. It gives a cutesy name to something terrible. Hopefully I don’t have it with this job, but if I do, I already know what it feels like and I know I have the choice and the power to make it go away.

Until tomorrow.

240 days to go.

 

 

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Day 123: Monthly Check in Pt. 4

Time for my fourth monthly check-in. Everything sort of fell by the wayside since I got my promotion. Not only did I start a new job and have to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing, but several people were out of the office for various reasons and it was A LOT of extra work. My schedule has just been work, sleep, eat, repeat. It’s terrible.

  1. Work on my Novel – Like I said, everything fell to the wayside so I haven’t worked on my book at all. But I have several days over the Thanksgiving holiday to work on it and get back on track.
  2. Ballet – I went a few times at the beginning of the month, but then fell off since I was working a lot of overtime. Classes are cancelled for the weekend, but I’m aiming to be back on track next week. Hopefully….
  3. Promotion –  DONE! 
  4. Get out of credit card debt – This is actually going pretty well! With my promotion, I have a higher salary, but I’ve also been working a ton of overtime so I have more money than anticipated. Good for the holidays too. 🙂
  5. In a relationship – Still Bumbling. Since I started working more, it’s been harder to date. It didn’t really pan out earlier, but I know I have to keep trying. I often wonder if I’ll ever meet someone, but that’s another thought for another day.

So there’s my fourth monthly check-in. I feel a little discouraged since I feel like I haven’t done much since last month. I have to remember things take time and I can’t get everything done all at once. It’s only been four months and I’ve already accomplished a few things. I have eight more months to get everything done.  Plus, as they say, you have to plant the seeds for the trees to grow in the future.

Until tomorrow.

 

Day 122: Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is supposed to be the day for my monthly blog update, but I figured I would put it aside for a day. Sometimes I feel like I’m always striving for more and more, and I forget to be thankful for what I do have. I find hard to remember, but it’s always good to be reminded. So below a few things I’m Thankful for (capital T).

  1. Friendsgiving! – I thought I would be spending Thanksgiving alone, but a flurry of invitations came through about a week ago. It’s nice to know people are thinking of me around the holidays when I thought I might be alone.
  2. My new job – Even though it’s been a lot of work, I have to remember that it can be fun and once I get through the initial hurdle of figuring out what to do and when to do it, I think I’ll enjoy it more.
  3. My family & friends – Most of them live all the way across the country, but a most of them called me today or sent me messages. Once again, it’s always nice to hear from people and know they’re thinking of me.
  4. My roommate is gone for a few days – She’s off to visit some people and while she’s very nice, it’s also very nice to to have the apartment to myself.
  5. New books – I was busy for awhile and didn’t have a chance to get out any new books from the library, but I have off and I’ve gotten several new books and that always makes me happy.
  6.  4 days off – Yay! Four day weekend! So much time to laze about and also get things done. What could be better?

Until tomorrow.

243 Days to go.

 

 

Day 117: Hi again!

It’s me! I’ve been MIA for many, many days. I got my promotion at work and then radio silence basically. A few team members were sick or traveling for work and then we had a major event coming up and so I really only had time for one thing. My life the past few weeks has just been work, eat, sleep, repeat. I’ve never clocked over forty-five hours previously, but now I’m getting close to sixty. It really is exhausting.  I don’t know how people do this for years.

I really haven’t had time to do anything else in my life these past few weeks. I wrote for ten minutes today before I had to rest and take a nap. I skipped ballet and I’ve cancelled on so many dates in the past couple weeks, I think of myself as a flake now. It’s no good. (I am making way more money than I thought though…)

I didn’t think it was going to be like this. And maybe it’ll get better in the future. It really has to. Maybe it’ll be better once I know what I’m doing and can just do it at the drop of a hat without doubting myself…but if it doesn’t then I don’t think I can do this in the long term. We’ll see. I need to go take my second nap of the day now.

Until tomorrow.

248 days to go.

Day 100!

Happy Day 100 Me! There are way more milestones to check in than I thought! I have the first of the month, the monthly check-ins I set aside for myself and now 100 days. (Today also happens to be the first of the month so it’s double check in day.)

I’m not going to do a check in since I just did one, but I do want to say it’s good to have “check-ins” on a regular basis. Just take ten minutes to yourself and see what you’ve accomplished and what steps you still need to take to move towards your goals.

I generally do a life check-in at the beginning of each month (today!). I have a habit tracker that I fill out every day to see if I’m building the habits I want to make part of my life. I check off the boxes every day, so if ever there’s a long string of empty boxes, I know I have some work to do. Sometimes it’s empty because someone was visiting or I was traveling, so my routine wasn’t the same as usual, but if I know there are no different circumstances around those days, I know I need to do something! I also have a longer term goals check-list which I carry over from month to month so I can see what I’ve completed and what I still need to do.

So check in with yourself! And hopefully it’ll help you see trends of your behavior and days over time.

Until tomorrow!

265 days to go!

P.S. Went to ballet. Yay!!